Tea and Crackers
by Jinxed-Wood
Summary: Romana is getting married, the Doctor is getting jealous, and Ace looks good in a Tux. All in a day's work for a Gallifreyan President...


**Author's Notes:** This story was written for the **Doctor Who** **Cliche Swap Ficathon** on Livejournal. The idea was that you took a tired cliche for one couple and made it fresh by applying it to a totally different one. My cliche was a Three/Jo one, where Jo get's engaged and the Doctor gets jealous! The Master Post for all stories can be found at lizbees journal, under the **cliche-swap ficathon** tag. Go search it out. there are some real unusual pairings that you don't usually find on !

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Leela was waiting for Romana outside the doors to her chambers when she arrived, a wry look on her face. "He's here," she said, "He's heard."

"Why am I not surprised," Romana said, exasperated. "We have a government coup and he's nowhere to be seen, but even a whispered mention of a nuptial ceremony and he gate crashes the palace…will he ever grow up?"

"Not where you're concerned, I suspect," Leela said flatly. "I shall find some of that Earth tea… with crackers... and the emergency jam."

Romana's lip's twitched. "How very domestic of you," she said.

"I'm just utilising the tools necessary to confine this conflict," Leela said primly.

Romana raised an eyebrow. "Really, because it just sounds to me like you've spent too long on Gallifrey, have you been taking lessons from Braxiatel?" she teased.

Leela's eyes narrowed. "Have you noticed this long, edged weapon I'm carrying?" she asked.

"Point made," Romana said. "And a rather sharp one, at that." She sighed. All right, let's get this over with."

"I shall be back soon," Leela declared, and Romana watched her lope down the hall, before opening the doors to her quarters.

"Romana, Romana, Romana, how could you!" The Doctor stood there, his eyes disappointed and hurt. He really was so predictable.

"Hello, Doctor," she drawled. "How nice to see you; I'm just fine, thank you for asking. You've had a pleasant day, I trust, and a nice trip?

A figure suddenly shifted in one of the bucket armchairs by the fireplace. "It's no use trying to reason with him" she said, with some exasperation. "I tried to explain how it happened, but would he listen? Oh no, he was all, Ace how could you? What about me, and what will Hex think?" Her imitation of the Doctor was really quite atrocious.

"Doctor," Romana said, patiently. "It's really quite simple, we needed to get to access to the house of blissful union, and we were in a hurry, and Ace was more than obliging…. and she looks good in a tux."

Aces cheeks dimpled as she kicked one of her legs over the arm of her chair, her Doc Martins dangling heavily. "You know what I think, Romana?" she said, a mischievous lilt to her voice. "I think the Doctor is jealous!"

"What!" he spluttered. "Don't be ridiculous, I don't get jealous, what a silly thought!"

"Oh, but he is!" Ace said, getting to her feet as she realised she'd hit it right on the nose. "I didn't think he had it in him!"

"Oh, believe me, it's possible," Romana said dryly, remembering a certain incident in twentieth century Paris.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the Doctor protested. "And I'm not jealous… I'm just a little put out, that's all."

"Oh, and why is that?" Ace asked, hands on her hips. "I mean, there has to be some reason why your nose is so out of joint, isn't that right Romana?"

"Oh, indubitably," Romana said, beginning to enjoy herself.

"Well, naturally," the Doctor said. "And I have a very good reason, a very good reason indeed….it's because…because….you never invited me!" he glared at them triumphantly.

Romana raised an eyebrow, as she looked at Ace. "Is that true?" she asked.

"Well of course it's true. We didn't invite anyone, remember? It's supposed to be a formality, not a state occasion".

"A technicality!" the Doctor declared, puffing out his chest. "I feel most put out!"

"Watch it, professor, you're getting a little green around the edges," said Ace, hopping to Romana's side. With a spurt of mischievousness, Roman leaned into her, and Ace draped a proprietary arm around her shoulder.

The Doctor went a bright pink. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing Prof, I'm saying hello to my fiancé," Ace said, giving Romana a wink before leaning in for a kiss.

It was quite pleasant, really, Romana could see the tiny flecks in Ace's eyes as her mouth pressed against hers. She pulled her closer as the kiss deepened.

A clatter of crockery broke her attention, and she pulled away to see Leela at the door, a very unlikely looking silver tea service in her grip. "I brought tea," she said crisply, "And crackers with jam."

"Smashing," Ace said brightly. "I love crackers!"

Romana sighed, Ace was having way too much fun with the situation; she suspected it came from spending all that time with the Doctor's seventh incarnation. She turned to the Doctor.

"This really can't go on, you know," she said, as he pouted at her. "I mean, how many marriages has this been now - seven, eight?

"Nine!" he said. "Nine marriages - _and _they never invite me!"

Romana suspected he was a fraction away from stamping his foot. "Yes, I wonder why," she drawled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he said. "I'm the perfect guest!"

Ace snorted. "Yeah, right!" she said.

"What's that supposed to mean,"

Ace rolled her eyes and counted off her fingers. "Well, for one, you're never on time—"

"Yes, I am!" he protested, and Ace gave him a look. "Well, some of the time, anyway," he muttered. "Sort of."

Ace smirked. "And then there's the fact that you always find trouble—"

"But, but, but—" He sighed. "Well, okay, maybe that too," he admitted, before rallying. "But I thought you liked that!"

Romana rolled her eyes. "Doctor?"

"Yes, Romana?"

"Tea, Doctor?"

"Oh…very well." He flopped into one of the easy chairs, and silently watched Romana pour.

"There," she said, handing him the cup. "Isn't that better?"

He took a sip and pulled a face that had nothing to do with the brew. "I suppose so," he said reluctantly.

"Good,!" Romana said, and smiled slyly as she offered him a cracker smeared with jam. "Now we shall talk about this marital tradition Ace is so keen on… how do you feel about being the best man?"

It took all three of them to prevent the Doctor from choking on the cracker; it wouldn't do for him to regenerate at this point.

After all, Ace had already picked out his morning suit.

**-----FINIS-----**


End file.
